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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26358589">Ferengi Wedding Tactics</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ee3/pseuds/ee3'>ee3</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Deep Space Nine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fake Marriage, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:42:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,795</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26358589</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ee3/pseuds/ee3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Quark gets another visit from Brunt: he has to pay his taxes or he'll lose the bar. Since he and Odo both had gotten married to help people before, they decide to do it again, with each other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Odo/Quark (Star Trek)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Quark's bar was bustling with happily paying customers, just the way he liked it. Their laughter and intermingled conversations were loud enough to provide an exciting atmosphere while remaining comfortably just below 60 decibels, aside from the occasional "Dabo!" Everything was perfect. Was. </p><p>"Brunt. F.C.A." Quark's least favorite visitor announced his arrival. The awful little man licked his fangs as he spoke. </p><p>"You again." Quark groaned. "What do you want from me?" </p><p>"Weeelll. I was just informed that you haven't paid your property taxes to Ferenginar on this bar since it opened."</p><p>"That's because the property isn't ON Ferenginar. We're on a floating heap of metal floating in space, so I don't need to play planetary taxes."</p><p>"It's a recent law," Brunt drawled. "But it affects any Ferengi business outside of the homeworld, paid Five Percent of earnings per the month, for however long it's been in business." He looked at Quark from underneath his horrible eyelashes. "Do you understand me?" </p><p>Quark scoffed. "My bar has been open well over ten years! That'd be a few hundred bars of latinum... I don't have that kind of money!" </p><p>"Seven hundred, to be exact. You're going to have to find the latinum somewhere, Quark. Or do you want me to confiscate your assets again? Your business license? And to think you just got it back..." Brunt threatened.</p><p>"Fine! I'll get you your dirty latinum. Just go home, live in my closet again, and stop bothering me." </p><p>Brunt walked backwards out the door, making sure to stare Quark down the whole way. "I'm watching you, Quark! You have one month to pay your dues!" He shrieked when he bumped into the chief of security, then sprinted out of sight. </p><p>Quark breathed a sigh of relief. He couldn't help but give Odo a big, pointy smile. He never knew if it was a cynical expression of distrust, or quite the opposite.<br/>
"Odo! Thank the exchequer you're here... I'm really in trouble this time." </p><p>Odo harrumphed and sat down at his favorite bar stool, the one he hated the least. "Aren't you always?" </p><p>"I'm serious! That little shrew is going to take my bar again if I don't get him a ton of money that I don't even have, for a new law. Business taxes." Quark held his head in his hands. "I'm ruined." </p><p>"I hope you aren't thinking of acquiring this wealth dishonestly," Odo leaned onto the counter, as sarcastic as he could muster. "Such as lying, stealing..." </p><p>Quark tried to sound shocked.<br/>
"Me? Dishonest? I wouldn't dream of it." </p><p>"There are easier ways to get around this, you know. Find a loophole somewhere." </p><p>"Now that you mention it... Certain establishments don't have to pay their taxes..." Quark thought for a few seconds.<br/>
"I've got it! I should convert the bar into a place of worship for the prophets."</p><p>"That's the worst idea I've ever heard."</p><p>Quark glared at him.<br/>
"What's your ingenious plan, then?" </p><p>"You could get married." Odo suggested in a matter-of-fact kind of way. "Then you'll only have to pay about half of your personal taxes. Take it out of that budget instead."</p><p>"That's not bad, actually... The problem is Brunt would have to believe it, or he'd kill me." </p><p>"You already pretended to marry someone once, with Grilka. And if I recall, you said they believed you then."</p><p>"Sure, but it's one thing when a huge Klingon woman kidnaps you. I don't exactly have a lot of candidates on the station." </p><p>"Hmm. I did it too, once. To Lwaxana, you were there. I was convincing enough, it wasn't difficult." </p><p>"Well. Seeing as how we're both experienced."<br/>
Quark leered at him with a sinister look in his eyes, scheming something fierce. He grabbed both of Odo's hands in his own.<br/>
"Will you marry me, Odo?" </p><p>Odo grunted and just looked at him for a few seconds. Any other time, he would be trying to actively foil Quark's devious plans. But, in this situation, there was really no harm done, it was a victimless crime - now that he thought about it, it wasn't really a crime at all, and like he said, they both had gotten married before under different circumstances. Not only that, but it was his idea in the first place, although he certainly didn't think he would be who Quark would choose. It almost made him feel special.</p><p>"...Huh. Alright."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Before you can have a wedding, a lot of arrangements have to be made.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Captain Benjamin Sisko sat in his office, studying his reports, and absentmindedly fidgeting with his baseball. He looked up from the padd on his desk when he heard the hiss of the door opening. Enter Quark and Odo. Odo kept his hand on the small Ferengi's shoulder, the same way he always did if he were being escorted to a holding cell, so it would be a safe assumption to guess he'd been arrested. However, that wasn't the case this time.</p><p>They knew that they had to make a lot of arrangements for the wedding, and while both of their previous experiences were quite spontaneous, they both insisted in putting more time and care into this one. Not that it was special to either of them, that's absolutely out of the question. There was a purely strategic motive for this, somewhere.</p><p>"Can I help you, gentlemen?" </p><p>Odo sighed and stared up at the ceiling as Quark started with his schtick. <br/>"As a matter of fact, Captain, you can! I'm sure you remember officiating my idiot brother's wedding with my, er, employee... Leeta, yes?" </p><p>The captain nodded silently. </p><p>"-- And a few other Bajoran ceremonies, if I recall correctly... You're sort of the man for the job, you know, other than Dax and Worf, so I was wondering if you'd do something for me?" </p><p>Sisko smiled in amusement. "Slow down a second. Who's the happy couple?" </p><p>Odo grunted and pulled Quark closer to him by the shoulders. He tilted his head to the side in a "yes, really," kind of way, and kept his neutral expression. Quark tried to grin innocently, which was nearly impossible. They waited for his answer.</p><p>Ben's eyes lit up with the sparkle he got when someone gave him good news, something that deep space nine always needed more of. His smile widened and he grasped his baseball between both hands. <br/>"Congratulations, you two!" </p><p>Odo felt himself completely stuck between playing along, or getting defensive for his own dignity's sake. <br/>"Aren't you... You aren't surprised? At all?" He actually fumbled over his words. </p><p>Sisko laughed, in his genuine, comforting way, implying that was the only amusing thing that any of them said all morning. "Should I be? Love is a wonderful thing! Although I must admit I'm disappointed you never told me sooner." </p><p>Odo hated lying. He was strongly opposed to it morally, and on top of that, he was terrible at it.<br/>"We... Decided today, actually. To get married." Technically the truth, but it make Quark cringe at his ineptitude to be devious. </p><p>"But how long have you known you love each other?" Sisko couldn't keep his joy down, and to Odo's dismay it was contagious. "You always acted so..." He did a circling gesture with his hands as he searched for the word, "Adversarial." </p><p>Odo nearly protested, but Quark cut him off, the Ferengi emanated a sinister confidence while still sounding positively giddy. "Only about the past ten years." </p><p>Odo quickly glanced at him with wide, bewildered eyes, trying to say 'but I've only known you for ten years' without giving away their scheme.</p><p>Quark either didn't catch that, or he ignored him. "So you'll officiate it for us?" </p><p>"Please," Odo added.</p><p>"Of course I will! Anything for my chief of security and the most hospitable man on the promenade. You two keep the station turning around here."</p><p>Quark snatched a hold of Odo's hand, linked their fingers together, just to keep up the facade in front of Sisko - although he was a little too eager to do so, because he could've convinced Odo as well. <br/>"I promise you won't regret it, Captain."</p><p>...</p><p>"You're getting married, brother?" Rom was far more excited than he had any right to be, and Quark hated it. </p><p>"That's what I just said, yes."</p><p>"To Odo?"</p><p>Quark hissed at him. "Not so loud! I don't want the entire alpha quadrant showing up-" </p><p>"Does... He know you're marrying him?"</p><p>"Does he know." Quark mocked in a silly little voice. "Of course he knows. It's his wedding too." </p><p>Nog grinned with his wide smile of sharp teeth. He was enjoying a tall glass of root beer - disgustingly sweet, bubbly, and hu-mon. "Hahaha! That's great, Uncle!" A contemplative scowl. "Does that make Odo my uncle?" </p><p>Quark wiped down his bar vigorously with a damp towel. "I guess, if you want to look at it that way. He is my, well, going to be," He grew frustrated, and couldn't say it. "You know."</p><p>Rom had gave him a happy, obnoxious, supportive smile. "Uhh... Husband?" </p><p>"Yeah, that, whatever."</p><p>...</p><p>At the O'Brien's, the smell of freshly cooked vegetables wafted through the vents. The three of them were seated for a family dinner together. These weren't replicated, so they lacked the plasticized flavor - even in the air one could notice the subtle difference. Keiko grew the steamed broccoli and snap peas herself, and everyone who tried them agreed that they tasted wonderful. Except for Molly, who decided she didn't like green food anymore, and kept asking her daddy for animal crackers shaped like Targs - her favorite animal. Miles was dangerously close to caving in to his daughter's demands when the chime of the door saved him in time. He answered it as his means of escape. </p><p>"Oh, hey Odo. Is something the matter?" </p><p>"No, not at all. Admittedly I hadn't thought about how having the chief of security arrive unexpectedly at your doorstep could be potentially nerve wracking. I hope I'm not interrupting anything with my visit."</p><p>"Come on in. We were just about to have a bite to eat, you should join us." </p><p>Odo nodded compliantly. They both knew he couldn't eat, but his friends caring enough to include him in their humanoid activities felt nice. He pulled out the extra chair that they usually saved for Julian, who they would have invited if he wasn't currently tied up in his research on a cure to a newly mutated strain of Gorn plague. Molly giggled when she saw Odo. Children loved him, for some reason, which was amusing to other adults as he was normally so... Crotchety. Despite his grumpy disposition, he was kind to the little ones, too. Maybe it was because they didn't seem to judge him for being too different. </p><p>"Hello, Molly." </p><p>Molly laughed again and hid her face in her hands. "See! Odo doesn't eat broccoli." </p><p>Miles was too tired to reason with her. He stayed up until 02:00 trying to get Yoshi to stop crying the night before. The baby was asleep in the other room; they wouldn't dare wake him up now. Odo felt a little bittersweet thinking about it, since their baby was delivered the same day that the baby changeling died, but he tried to push that into the back of his mind. He stepped in so that her exhausted father didn't have to anymore.</p><p>"Yes, Molly. You should eat your vegetables for both of us, since I can't have any." </p><p>Both Keiko and Miles were astonished when she actually grabbed her fork and did what he asked.</p><p>"You're a miracle worker," Miles whispered at him. Odo grunted dismissively.</p><p>Keiko rolled her eyes endearingly at her husband. "What brings you by? Looking for some company?"</p><p>"Well, I suppose... In actuality, I had a favor to ask of you, Keiko. You see, I'm getting married, and you happen to be a knowledgable botanist, so if I could borrow some roses," </p><p>Keiko's face lit up at the request, but before she let him finish, Miles interrupted him. <br/>"Married? Who's the lucky woman?" </p><p>Odo coughed involuntarily, which was strange, because he didn't have lungs. "Qrrggh." </p><p>Miles raised an eyebrow. "Sounds Klingon. Good for her." </p><p>Odo blatantly avoided eye contact. Sighing, he repeated himself, enunciating this time. "His name is Quark." </p><p>Miles mouthed an "Ohh" while he failed to come up with a response. This was certainly new news to him. </p><p>Keiko smiled still. "Odo, if you want me to get you some flowers, I'd be more than happy to. My new hydroponics system is doing wonders this year." </p><p>Odo was unbelievably flustered. Maybe the climate controls were malfunctioning. That would explain it.<br/>"Thank you."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Ow! Not so tight, you're pinching me, I'm going to lose the circulation in my arms-" </p><p>Garak tediously worked on tailoring every seam of Quark's new suit, a royal purple tailcoat with gold accents, which for some reason Quark insisted it was both for a special occassion (so he absolutely had to make it perfect,) and nothing important at all (so that the cardassian spy would stop interrogating him on his personal affairs.) He used a device, similar to a hypospray in appearance, to fix the stitches.</p><p>"I would stand still if I were you, barkeep, unless you want one sleeve to be longer than the other. Need I remind you that they used to use needles as sewing equipment? Now, those could hurt you." </p><p>"Don't remind me." Needles were highly outdated technology, and any mention of them reminded Quark of the time he was sent back to twentieth-century Earth to be experimented on by stupid Americans. He could still feel the syringe prick his skin if he thought too hard about it. If Odo hadn't been there to save him, he would probably have a dozen in him right now. </p><p>"You do look rather dashing in this color. It's one of my personal favorites. However, your request of fresh roses -- those will only look their best for a few hours, so I really need to know when this event of yours is." </p><p>"A few hours is all I need, thank you very much."</p><p>"I hope you don't intend to upstage the bride." </p><p>"Bride? Who said anyone was getting married? This is business casual." </p><p>"Your husband-to-be did, when he requested fabric swatches to practice shape shifting into. He refused to purchase a suit, seeing as how his is an extention of his body, which I suppose is reasonable."</p><p>"Odo told you." Quark groaned. "At least he has proper financial management skills." </p><p>"Now, now, Quark. It's in poor taste to insult your groom before the wedding day. I don't think I've ever seen him so delighted." </p><p>Garak, as always, was impossible to read. Was he telling the truth, Odo was excited to marry him? Was he being sarcastic, and Odo was miserable? More likely. Or was Garak lying about the whole story, just to toy with Quark's emotions? Probably a mix of the second two. </p><p>"Just tell me you didn't let him pick a beige suit. I'll leave him at the altar if you did." </p><p>"Again, it's seen as bad luck to see your fiancé's clothes before the ceremony, but I'll allow it. He picked a Risian black silk - very exquisite, if you ask me." </p><p>Quark smiled a little at the thought. "Much better. Risian..." He spoke dreamily, finally relaxing enough for Garak to get his work done. "From Risa." He stated the obvious. "The pleasure planet." Odo being luxurious was not a sight he ever thought he'd get to see, but now, he couldn't get it out of his mind.</p><p>"Careful you don't drool over your lapels, little bartender." </p><p>"Be quiet and do what I paid you for." </p><p>...</p><p>In the arboretum, Odo had to resist the urge to transform into every beautiful flower and tangling vine. The assortment of delicate shapes made up a changeling's paradise.<br/>"Keiko, these are lovely." He actually smiled, carefully holding a peach colored rose she handed him as an example. </p><p>"Thank you, Odo. You're sure these are the ones? There's dozens more where those came from." </p><p>"I'm positive." Odo paused, considering the fact that they weren't only for him. "Do you think he will like them?" </p><p>"I'm not a designer, I just have an eye for quality botany when I see it. But, speaking from a purely scientific perspective, I think the gentle orange would suit him." </p><p>Odo gave himself a moment to imagine it. Quark holding a pretty bouquet of these roses, the warm color beaming off of him like the sunsets of the planet Vulcan - he'd never been there, but he'd seen holoimages. Somehow the fantasy made him feel at home.<br/>"I believe you're right." He paused, again. "But would he like them?" </p><p>Keiko laughed at his repeated question. "What does Quark like?" Admittedly; she didn't know him quite as well as some of the others; she was often on Bajor doing field research, or at home raising Molly and Kirayoshi, with not a lot of recreational time at the bar. Quark was still her friend, of course, but she lacked knowledge on his personal tastes, which Odo would describe as fortunately so.</p><p>"He likes... Tacky things." Odo grumbled. "I'd say he would prefer something less easy on the eyes. More vibrant, I should say." Like that jacket of his with the multicolored squares, or the horrendous blue and pink one. Odo loved them, actually, but he wouldn't give him the satisfaction of letting him know that beyond a compliment masked by contempt.</p><p>Keiko showed him to another bush of roses, whose petals were a brighter, joyful pink color.<br/>"How about these?" She asked. Somehow, they complimented Odo's favorite orange ones nicely. </p><p>"I like those, too."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With only a few days left before the ceremony, Quark and Odo sat at the bar, trading their banter per usual. Nearly all the planning had been accounted for, and Quark had even prepared a Ferengi marriage contract in advance. Between men and women, marriage had been more of a property ownership, until recently. With Ferengi women being granted equal rights on the homeworld, their marriages were being ruled as a mutually beneficial sharing of assets. On the other hand, since before he was born, Ferengi men could marry amongst themselves, in an incredibly close business partnership; the closest kind of bond two people could have. It depended on a great amount of trust. While he'd never admit to trusting Odo, they were both men, and as a result they both decided it was the most suitable arrangement. When Quark looked up from discussing this with Odo though, he couldn't believe who he saw. This wasn't one of his regular customers.</p><p>"Moogie? What are you doing here?" </p><p>"Now, Quark, you didn't think you could get married without your mother hearing about it, did you?" Ishka strode towards him, and Quark bristled where he stood. If she was going to try and give him a hug, he wouldn't be having it. "When your brother married Leeta, the Bajoran woman, I was so happy for them! But the laws of the Ferengi Alliance meant I couldn't leave the homeworld, so I missed my own son's wedding. I couldn't let that happen again, could I?" </p><p>"Rom. Of course he told you." Quark crossed his arms, and looked the other direction, but his mother walked right past him and up to Odo instead. </p><p>"And you must be Odo! The security officer." She grabbed both of his shoulders, and gave him a warm old smile. <br/>"My son talks too much, doesn't he? He's always telling me these stories about you--" </p><p>The enthusiasm in which she addressed Odo seemed to greatly embarrass Quark. <br/>"No I don't," he started to object, although both his mother and his newly betrothed ignored him. </p><p>"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ishka," Odo quickly became bashful at her adoration. She reminded him of her dear friend Lwaxana, almost, radiant and bold from her many years of life. <br/>"Quark isn't exactly reserved," he agreed.</p><p>Ishka looked back at her son, who responded only by crossing his arms indignantly. <br/>"And he's so handsome! I hope you know you're a lucky man, Quark." </p><p>Odo wasn't sure if he'd ever heard someone call him that before. If he had a circulatory system, he would surely be blushing. <br/>"You're too kind, really..." </p><p>"Oh, do take good care of my son, Odo. I know I can't always be there for him, and he gets so lonely." </p><p>"Yes, ma'am," the changeling answered modestly, almost as if he were making a promise, and knowing Odo, he would stick to his word. <br/>"Of course I will." </p><p>"He's polite too," Ishka sideyed Quark, to not so subtly jab at the fact that her son was anything but well behaved. <br/>"He could even teach you some manners." </p><p>Quark visibly cringed. They were being so... Nice to each other. <br/>"Moogie, you're embarrassing me," he accused in a hushed voice, but Odo could hear him just as well as his mother could. </p><p>Ishka smiled up at Odo through rows of crooked teeth, who nodded respectfully although said nothing. She then turned to Quark, and paced up to him, just a bit hobbled by the over two centuries she'd lived. <br/>"Quark, you know how proud I am of you. You've grown into a fine young man."</p><p>Her son averted his eyes and grimaced. Not this garbage again. <br/>"Don't patronize me." </p><p>"-- Especially now that you've come to terms with your feelings. You always told me you hated this man I'd never met, and I had such a hard time believing you, because your lobes got red when you talked about him." </p><p>"You're not making any sense," He argued, but not very well; his ears were flushing a deep crimson now. </p><p>"There it is again! You don't have to lie to me. You know I'm happy for you. I was beginning to think you'd never settle down with someone."</p><p>Quark cackled nervously and grabbed her arm, trying to pull her away from earshot of the constable. <br/>"Oo-kay Moogie, that's quite enough, let's get you to Doctor Bashir, you're having another bout of dimentia." </p><p>"Quark!" Ishka raised her voice at him, and Quark shushed her, making a garbled "shut up" sort of noise, dragging her off in another direction as fast as his short stature would take him. </p><p>Odo watched them, feeling bewildered, but somehow welcomed. He never had a family before, not really. Doctor Mora was never his father, even if he tried to be. But between Quark, his brother Rom, his nephew Nog, and now his mother Ishka... He was beginning to understand what it must be like. Quark always argued with his family, but it was clear to anyone else how deeply he cared for them. Sort of like how the two of them have gone back and forth all along.</p>
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